October 2, 2009

Drew Sloan. Ammar played basketball and watched football. Ate chicken sandwiches, and thought about tacos. Slept and dreamt about driving a semi truck down an icy road to hit another truck only to wound a bear and wreak my truck.

October 1, 2009

Got woken up by Michael. Got the message. Went to the city and got off at 33rd when I should have gotten off at Christopher St. Walked to Soho and got to EMC2. Interviewed and recognized Emmit from project runway. Walked back to Broadway and ate Wendy's. Got into a fight with Ammar and got over it. Went to Vento, Planet (something), and D for Doggy. Met the wrong alex. Called Jeanine and surprised Gislane. Talked to Crack about guys she liked and Ammar got a hair cut. Got to jersey ate an apple pie and ice cream. Got home, slept.

September 30, 2009

Ammar died his facial hair and stained his face. Cleaned up and moved some clothes . She snapped and yelled at me. I pictured myself pushing her out the window as I dreamt that night.

Polar

Images of you trail across my daydreams 

Poisoning my perception of the present

I resist the urge to miss you

Reminding myself of how different you've become

We run away as broken magnets

Accepting the offer to be apart

And as I think of the love we never lost

I realized,

It was me who had changed all along.

September, 29, 2009

Indulged in sleep until 12:00. Got Rachel's letter, felt sad and had thoughts of rebellious behavior. Waited around for my meeting, and decided to walked to the mall. Came back before 4:00. Ammar went to play football and I looked for jobs online. Tried to leave at 4:30, but was offered a ride. Ate chicken. Left late and left too many voice messages on Stephanie's phone. But was on time because she was late. Meeting was great. Called Sarah and felt good. Walked to the Strand and some lady was speaking of Obama. Walked to Barnes and Noble's and to Borders. Got to Jersey. Got an ice cream and walked home. Ate chicken and watched Be Kind Rewind.

September, 28, 2009

Monday. Woke up. Checked my email. Stephanie rescheduled. Called Gislane and rescheduled. Asked Ammar what he wanted to do. Left for New Brunswick. Called mom. Got on the train, and thought about the dynamics of a healthy friendship. Then got a ticket for not buying a ticket on the train. Grieved. Bought a ticket to New Bunswick. Got a muffin. Got to Rutgers. Got lost. Got directions. Got lost on a bus. Got off and was 5min. too late to ask any questions. Went to the basketball stadium and felt overwhelmed. Ammar took a basketball. Got on a bus. Got off. Got rained on. Got on the Train. Fell asleep and dreamt of wonderland. Got off and missed our train. Ate a Munchkin. Got happy about McDonald's. Got scared about being happy about McDonald's. My Cd player's batteries ran out. Got home. Ate chinesse and watched 10,000 B.C.

Septemeber, 27, 2009

Sunday Morning. Called Alex. Called Jeanine. Called Gislane. Took the path. Daydreamed about Wonderland. Got to Chelsea. Talked to Crack. Ate broccoli pizza. Walked Downtown. Met Alex at work. Looked at puppies. Walked to The Strand. Dreamed about Fashion. Walked to the park and listened to Jazz. Walked to Joe's (something) and bought Sparkiling White Wine "Almond flavored". Sat in the park, drank wine and ate chesse. Walked back to Chealsa and spoke of Tacos, Cadimin, Shrooms, Coke, Acid and Weed. Got to Gislane's Place and Crack was watching Brother's and Sisters. Walked to the Path. Walked home. Ate Chinese and wacthed Chis Rock.

September, 25, 2009

Went to the city. Missed Pringle. Lost Ammar. Looked for jobs. Finally did what I wanted. Looked around Home Depot.Got home ideas. Thought about mom winning the lottery. Got an application to work at G.N.C. Walked Broadway,turned around. Went to borders and looked though W Magazine. Tried to buy a ticket home. No change. Thought about what to buy for change. Walked around for an hour, Whole Foods, Starbucks, A Convince store.......Then just got change from the ticket stand.Bought a ticket. Stared a guy sleeping on the train.Thought about what he was dreaming about. Bought a Light Rail ticket before someone offered me one for free. Thought about my N.Y.C. video. Thought about fashion. I want to live here.

New Empire Kingdom

145 lbs.

I feel dense in the rain
and all at once, years blow by

my hair scatters in the wind

Every day bleeds into the next
and waking up feels like deja vu

Making an effort
feels important
but equally unamusing

I want to pretend like I have stopped waiting for you
but I still stand at the shore
expecting to see you

I fear august
as time harasses me
and mocks my displacement



























I miss you
and I fear that for you
I would hold my breath.

140 lbs.

Your face is red when you think you've burned the food
and I love how guilty you look after you've had too much to drink

You feel light in my hands
and sleep comes easy

"I want to keep you"
I camaflauge in conversation

The pressure your foot left on mine is gone
and your everywere
and everyone

and so far away















I want you to be happy
no matter what that means.

White Lies

Daisy

Beyond the Forefront

I sat, an ill sport to the day's schedule
a dream scape paraded my mind
before a sense of reality began to drone in
Her words repeated in my mind
and all my mistakes played in slow motion

My mind wanders to dark places

Counting down the days
When i can once again speak without
Regretful undertones

I think about you
It's been a long time
but your imprint has filled as though
you had never gone

Movie-like images of your smile
penetrate my train of thought
I sabotage the idea that I would see you

and decide to just hang up.

Cake for Breakfeast

Sorry I'm Late.

wecouldhavebreakfasttogether

Speaking without breath

Pre-used gasps run through The thinly lined corridors and just one too many favors Before i think of you I can see for miles and run for hours Still numb from the flight I swallow hard Ill illusions of your words Tear me down With low fueled intentions and four tons of pressure my buttons stay sewn.

Bloom

Pinata

Siesta

everyone keeps asking if i'm sick,

but no, i'm just unhealthy. 

What about cigars?

but what

Before I was Young

Beacuse we used to have a Photto Diary

....................and now that i have seen more of you i don't want to see less.